There’s a movie theatre near my house that has a sign hanging in the lobby with the Cineplex Odeon corporate mission statement printed on it:

“PASSIONATELY DELIVERING

AN EXCEPTIONAL ENTERTAINMENT EXPERIENCE.”

When I see it, it always brings a tear to my eye to be reminded how passionately the CinOde people are working to make my entertainment experience an exceptional one. Sadly, this type of focused, articulated, all-caps sense of purpose is lacking in most other brands I interact with. Below are some suggested mission statements that everyday brands could use to cement their relationships with consumers and climb to the top of their particular product pile.

 “DETERMINEDLY DELIVERING AN OPTIMAL CHEWING ENCOUNTER.” 

“ZEALOUSLY PROVIDING AN UTTERLY RESPLENDENT HOME-IMPROVEMENT EXPERIENCE.”

“FERVENTLY BRINGING YOU A MUNIFICENT DOUCHING OCCURRENCE THE LIKES OF WHICH YOU SHALL REMEMBER UNTIL YOU DIE.”

“IN THE NAME OF GOD, LORD OF ALL THE WORLDS, THE COMPASSIONATE, THE MERCIFUL, RULER ON THE DAY OF RECKONING. YOU ALONE WE DO WORSHIP, AND YOU ALONE WE DO ASK FOR HELP IN TELLING PEOPLE HOW GOOD THIS CHEESE IN A CAN IS.” 

“WE LOVE CLEAN WINDOWS; JUST FUCKING LOVE THEM. WE’D FUCK CLEAN WINDOWS IF IT WOULDN’T GET US TOSSED IN FUCKING JAIL. SO IF YOU LOVE CLEAN WINDOWS SO MUCH YOU WANT TO FUCKING FUCK THEM, THEN BUY THIS PRODUCT.”

“IF THIS ISN’T THE BEST COLA YOU’VE EVER HAD, WE’LL KILL OURSELVES.”

Advertisements