And I don’t mean Panasonics!

Every year, the International Global Society Of Prejudices, Misconceptions, And Bigotry – or I.G.S.P.M.B. (they really need another acronym) – assigns new and different stereotypes to the world’s races, religions, and ethnic groups. Just to keep things fresh. I’m proud to be the first to reveal this year’s list. Effectively immediately:

  • Egyptians never wash their hands after bowling.
  • Peruvians fuck discarded jack o’ lanterns.
  • Mountain Dew and crank will henceforth be known as ‘Protestant mouthwash’.
  • Despite their world-renown cuisine, Italians subsist wholly on a diet of peeled-off sunburn skin.
  • Canadians are pure sexual evil.
  • Blacks, Jews, and Gypsies will now switch food stereotypes with the race immediately to their left.
  • Whenever a Laplander arrives at a backyard party with a homemade cheese ball, the drunkest Moroccan present must say ‘Who invited the whistledick?’
  • Asians sleep in coffins full of kitty litter to preserve their lunar power.
  • A ‘Mexican grilled cheese’ consists of putting a couch cushion over a sleeping person’s face and farting through it.
  • Homosexuals have their own math.
  • The people of Tuvalu smell like old computers.
  • Y’know that thing Argentines always do at the opera? Not any more.

Have a hateful new year!