Strip Club Or Baby Store?

 

1. Peekaboo Bottoms
2. BabyLegs
3. Pink Olive
4. Oh Baby
5. RuffleButts
6. Sweet Cheeks
7. Honeys And Heroes
8. Chloe’s Closet
9. The Swanky Stork
10. Polka Dot Dreams
11. Uptown Girls, Downtown Boys
12. Sugar And Spice
13. Pink-A-Dilly
14. Lollipops
15. Starfish
16. One Hot Mama
17. California Baby
18. Spanky Lane
19. Stinkypants
20. Mamas And Chicks
21. My Little Dimples
22. The Silver Sandbox
23. Starlight Starbright
24. Sweet N’ Sassy
25. Moms To Be And More

ANSWERS: These are obviously all baby stores. The fuck’s wrong with you?

 

Suggested Corporate Mission Statements

There’s a movie theatre near my house that has a sign hanging in the lobby with the Cineplex Odeon corporate mission statement printed on it:

“PASSIONATELY DELIVERING

AN EXCEPTIONAL ENTERTAINMENT EXPERIENCE.”

When I see it, it always brings a tear to my eye to be reminded how passionately the CinOde people are working to make my entertainment experience an exceptional one. Sadly, this type of focused, articulated, all-caps sense of purpose is lacking in most other brands I interact with. Below are some suggested mission statements that everyday brands could use to cement their relationships with consumers and climb to the top of their particular product pile.

 “DETERMINEDLY DELIVERING AN OPTIMAL CHEWING ENCOUNTER.” 

“ZEALOUSLY PROVIDING AN UTTERLY RESPLENDENT HOME-IMPROVEMENT EXPERIENCE.”

“FERVENTLY BRINGING YOU A MUNIFICENT DOUCHING OCCURRENCE THE LIKES OF WHICH YOU SHALL REMEMBER UNTIL YOU DIE.”

“IN THE NAME OF GOD, LORD OF ALL THE WORLDS, THE COMPASSIONATE, THE MERCIFUL, RULER ON THE DAY OF RECKONING. YOU ALONE WE DO WORSHIP, AND YOU ALONE WE DO ASK FOR HELP IN TELLING PEOPLE HOW GOOD THIS CHEESE IN A CAN IS.” 

“WE LOVE CLEAN WINDOWS; JUST FUCKING LOVE THEM. WE’D FUCK CLEAN WINDOWS IF IT WOULDN’T GET US TOSSED IN FUCKING JAIL. SO IF YOU LOVE CLEAN WINDOWS SO MUCH YOU WANT TO FUCKING FUCK THEM, THEN BUY THIS PRODUCT.”

“IF THIS ISN’T THE BEST COLA YOU’VE EVER HAD, WE’LL KILL OURSELVES.”