Twenty Cautionary Euchre Axioms

1. “Turn down the bower, lose for an hour.”

2. “Turn down a two, find worms in your poo.”

3. “Turn down a three, a leper you’ll be.”

4. “Turn down a four, pre-nup with a whore.”

5. “Turn down a five, fuck a beehive.”

6. “Turn down a six, choke on a Twix.”

7. “Turn down a seven, don’t go to Heaven.”

8. “Turn down an eight, your life raft deflates.”

9. “Turn down a nine, get trapped in a mine.”

10. “Turn down a ten, get trapped in a mine again.”

11. “Turn down a Jack, a bear mauls your sack.”

12. “Turn down a Queen, get AIDS in your spleen.”

13. “Turn down a King, severe static cling.”

14. “Turn down an ace, crowbar to the face.”

15. “Turn down a Joker, get raped by Al Roker.”

16. “Turn down a heart, inhale your dad’s farts.”

17. “Turn down a diamond, fall while you’re climbin’.”

18. “Turn down a club, have uncontrollable diarrhea in the tub.”

19. “Turn down a spade, rarely get laid. I’m talking, like, twice a year, max.’

20. Turn down a ‘Get Out Of Jail Free’ card, you’re playing Monopoly, not Euchre, you retard.”